Sunday, August 1, 2010
Been a while, hasn't it?
I haven't blogged for a while cuz I been putting my words onto journal pages which I have recently posted on Flickr. How do people who are moms, and work full time also find time to do art and keep up a blog? I know I have a disability disadvantage, but it seems to me that gives me an advantage. I am going to try harder to keep up with my art and blogging at the same time. I don't know why it should matter, cuz hey, who cares if I do or don't, or if I spend all day watching tv and eating bon bons. Well, I guess I do. It's a self-esteem thing I suppose. I have to mention and give myself credit for, the fact that lots of other stuff has been happening. First I had multiple computer problems. Immediately after those were resolved my car broke down at the side of the rode. That was a huge debacle in itself. My friend was actually doing the driving, and clearly there was something wrong. Every light on the dashboard was on, it had just quit making the horrible belt squealing noise it had started doing, and the power steering went out. Most alarming, though, was that the temp gage was high and rising rapidly. I told my friend we needed to pull over so we don't blow my engine. She refused!!! Who does that???!!! She argued about it, I argued back, as I was helplessly watching the needle reach the top of the zone right before the red line. When it did reach the red line I finally dropped my politeness and yelled "You have to pull over now before you blow my engine!" By then, she had turned down a side street that was lined with cars and had nowhere to stop. She got mad and yelled in my face that she can't pull over now, and when she finally did, she yelled at me, "You think you know everything about cars!" and stormed off, leaving me to deal with the smoke billowing out from under the hood, and coolant boiling out all over the place. Need I say, we're not friends anymore? She sees nothing wrong with what she did and showed up at my door insisting I apologize for yelling at her, and that she did nothing wrong!!!! I told her I was too upset to discuss it, and she needed to leave, but she refused! Now, who does that?! I told her repetedly to leave me alone, and when I tried to shut my door, she pushed it back open! Obviously, she has serious boundary issues. I have been trying to get the car fixed, and it's been hell wating and wondering. It's been 2 weeks now, and I finally found someone reliable to show up, tow it, and tomorrow fix it. I already bought the parts over a week ago. I've been sick with worry that the city would tow it first. Mechanics aren't the most reliable guys, in my experience. Anyway, if they fix the tensioner and belt tomorrow as they said they will, then I will next find out if my (ex)friend blew my engine by overheating it so badly. All this waiting, tension, and drama, has been so stressful that I seem to have shut down, and become too depressed to function beyond the most basic life demands. But I am trying to pull out of it. I will be glad to have the waiting over with, and I am praying so hard that my engine isn't blown. Living on SSI Disabilty means it is unlikely I will be able to afford to fix it. The timing of all this is phenominally bad, considering I was planning on putting the car up for sale the next day. On the bright side, I was going to drive it up to St. Paul for my son to sell on my behalf (saving me from getting in the car with strangers for a test drive, never to be heard from again!), and I am glad the breakdown didn't happen on the way there. So next I will post some of those journal pages I mentioned.