Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A time to mourn

It does not seem like a whole year ago when I sold my home and bought the (cursed) RV. Then there was 3 months of homelessness, living one day at a time between wherever I could find a place, even at the roadside for 5 days in the broken down RV, until I found a solution and got it moved, and even driving around all night to keep me and Rizzo warm (my dog - see earlier post for adorable pics). There was the insanity-making dealings with the management here, who told me in July it would be about 6 weeks to get an apt.,  and 6 months later they were still stringing me along, lying and talking nonsense. (That still goes on now that I am moved in.) AND it sure as hell does not feel like a year and a half since my son went to live with his dad in Al. Yet it feels like 3 years since I last saw him.  But the pain of him leaving and the consequences to me are as fresh as if it was only 2-3 months ago.  I have been too busy trying to survive to have time to process the sense of loss, the grief.  I just read a blog (Misty Mawn) where this mom mentioned she is still adjusting to her child being gone to school during the day, and the tears started streaming down my face.  I thought "You think that's bad, wait until you have to adjust to your last child being gone forever!"  Now I am crying too hard to type anymore, so good night.

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