Where's the Whimsey?

I have realized something.  I keep finding myself attracted to whimsey- in art, in decorating, in the kinds of things one chooses for one's self.  I just can't seem to put it into my own art! It is frustrating the living daylights out of me!!! I admire very colorful art, yet mine is soft, muted colors.  I like strong shapes, yet mine are soft and flowy.  I think this means something. So I am on a quest for my inner whimsicality (did I just make that word up?).  I think it is hard to find for a couple reasons:  1) I was born with a serious nature (but that doesn't mean I don't have a playful side) 2) My playful, immaginative side was squelched, squished, and squashed so badly when I was young, that it has been terrified to peek out other than vicariously.   I still appreciate the artistic and creative gifts that I do have, and I say that because a part of me wants to undervalue them just because they're not what I want at the moment.  As I have learned from so many on my journey, I must appreciate what I do have if I want to have more. Which reminds me, I have slipped in my gratitude practice these days, as well, and I always feel happier when I pay attention to that.  I have had so many health challenges lately, along with  mechanical issues of various types, I seem to have gotten away from a lot of conscious living.  Well of course you have, Julia! You've been asleep for days!  AND that's okay. It's good, even!  You are taking care of yourself.  I guess the urge I am feeling to move on is a sign I am feeling better! Hurrah!  I am a so-o-o-o much happier person than I used to be, and I am so grateful for the many various influences that have helped me get that way, mostly Alanon and self-help books. (I've read almost every one ever written, haven't I.)  and I am grateful to my self for having the moxie to pursue recovery, and infinitely grateful for the grace of God. I don't know why I got so "lucky" when the rest of my family still suffers.  Now I need to find a book on how to proceed on this quest for inner whimsey. I love the internet and search engines.....